Juns crappy life 3
by Hotfix
Summary: Yet another story about the crappy life of Jun Sakurada.


**Juns crappy life 3**

"This is an outrage!" Jun yelled at Nori. "How could you possibly have set the fucking kitchen on fire with the fucking microwave?!" he continued as saliva was shooting from his mouth towards Nori at mach 4.  
Nori, who was sitting on the other end of the room was by now soaking wet from the sea of saliva that had gathered around her.  
"Jun, you miserable failure! I already told you it was Suiseiseki who sabotaged the microwave!"  
Jun knew this was probably true, as it was always true, but he simply wanted to blame nori for it, as always, because he feared Suiseiseki.  
"NO! I WON'T ACCEPT IT! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE ON YOU!" he cried as he stormed up the stairs.  
Upstairs, Shinku was polishing the revolver she found underneath Juns bed with which he was going to shoot himself like a rock star, Hina was molesting her eyes with an overly rusty spoon again and Suiseiseki, well, she wasn't upstairs.  
Jun entered his room, kicked Shinku aside and went to his computer.  
Outside the sun was blasting away at the world, even though it was 2am, because somehow the world had stopped turning a week ago or so.  
The backyard had turned into a large sandy waste, like a desert.  
In it, stood a single tent with a frilly umbrella in front of it. This was Kanarias headquarters, as she was still trying to enter the house and make it part with the non-existent riches within.  
Not entirely surprising, the world stopped turning at around the same time Kanaria set up her tent.  
Jun was browsing the web looking for insane shit to buy when he suddenly got an idea.  
"SHINKU! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE. NOW!"  
"What you yelling for man? I am not deaf!"  
"Give me that revolver."  
"No."  
"I'll kick you if you don't."  
"Your threats mean nothing to me. You are my sla... err servant."  
"Woman, I won't warn you again. Give me that gun or be kicked!"  
After a bit of thinking Shinku reluctantly gave Jun the revolver, as she didn't want to get kicked like last time. Half her head had to be glued back together last time.  
With his revolver he triumphantly walked downstairs, stopping in the burned kitchen first to get the biggest knife he could find.  
In the living room Nori had boozer herself up quite a bit, and was laying naked on the couch while making weird moves and puking all over the floor.  
Jun walked over to the couch, gave Nori one final look and then shot her in the chest, twice.  
When the smoke cleared, Jun crouched next to the couch and started poking Nori to make sure she was really dead.  
When he came to the conclusion that there was a 99 probability that she was dead he got his knife and started cutting her throat. He continued cutting until the head had come off.  
He picked up the head and started dancing around the room while waving around the head, leaving a trail of blood that was still leaking from the head.  
"Hahaha!! REVENGE!!" he yelled as he kissed his gun and the head(...).  
All happy he ran back up the stairs towards his room and put the head on his desk.  
Out of some random objects he conjured up some random shrine around the head as if he was worshipping it.  
Since then , Jun sat down every day in front of the head and continued to decorate and worship it.  
A week later the head looked all shriveld from the enduring dry heat from the sun. the only thing of it that was still looking the way it did when it was placed there were Noris glasses.  
Jun was starting to regret his decision, as he couldn't prepare food even if his life depended on it, and he had already eaten all of the candy he usually saved for for Hina so that he wouldn't have to fix her eye.  
Downstairs the headless body of Nori had befallen the same fate as the head, and it was starting to smell pretty Terrible.  
Outside, Kanaria was sitting in the shade of her umbrella while eating and looking at a make of the house.  
Inside, Jun was praying to the head.  
"Please, O great head of Nori. Bestow on me your great cooking powers so that I won't have to die of hunger"  
As he looked up and saw Kanaria eat from his windows he went crazy.  
"FOOD! SHE HAS FOOD!" he yelled as dust came from his mouth, since he was long out of saliva.  
Completely delirious he ran towards his door and then back to his window.  
With all the force he had he jumped through the window, landing on the ground with glass all over his face and body.  
He died instantly from his wound and the impact.  
"Hina, we are going outside and steal Kanarias food" Shinku said to Hina, who had been watching from underneath the bed.  
Hina now wore an eye patch because Jun wouldn't fix her eye, and somehow it didn't grow back either.  
"Find weapon and meet me downstairs" Shinku continued as she grabbed Juns revolver and went downstairs.  
Hina looked around the room and found another gun-like weapon underneath the bed.  
She grabbed it and went downstairs.  
"You ready?" Shinku asked Hina.  
"I'm ready"  
"Okay, lets go then"  
They opened the door and stepped into the blazing heat. The backyard was essentially a desert with only single dead tree, Kanarias tent and Juns dead body, on which the remaining crows were feasting.  
As they stepped over Juns body and approached the tend Kanaria stood up from her lunch and walked into the sun.  
"Stop right there you two, I know why you are here." she said as she looked at Shinku and Hina.  
"You are here for the super secret button that can make the world turn again, but I won't let you.  
If you want to get it you will have to go through me." she continued.  
Shinku and Hina looked at each other, and then back at Kanaria.  
"If that's how you want to play it then so be it" Shinku said as he got her revolver.  
"Shinku, stop!" Hina cried.  
"Weren't we here for the food? You can't eat butto-"  
"SHUT UP HINA!" Shinku yelled as she interrupted Hina.  
"We are going for that button. "  
"No! The food!"  
"Button!"  
"Food!"  
"BUTTON!"  
"FOOD!"  
"WILL THE TWO OF YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET THIS SHIT OVER WITH?"  
Shinku and Hina stopped bickering and looked at Kanaria, who was standing there with a gun pointed in their direction.  
"My plan is difficult enough as it is without your bickering, even for the always awesome me" Kanaria continued.  
Shinku looked at Kanaria, then Hina, and then back at Kanaria again.  
"Whatever. Listen, Hina, I am going for that button and I won't let you stop me"  
"That's fine, but I am going for the food and I will shoot you if you try to stop me"  
When all the talking was done, the three of them walked away from each other really slowly , backwards, so that they could still see each other.  
After about five intense minutes of looking at each other they all suddenly drew their guns.  
Shinku was the fastest and shot Kanaria in the face.  
Hina was the slowest but also tried to shoot Kanaria, except that she appeared to be out of ammo so there wasn't much to shoot.  
As Kanaria dropped to the ground, dead, Shinku turned to Hina.  
Hina, knowing she didn't stand a chance dropped the weapon and put her hand in the air.  
"I surrender! Please don't shoot me!" she pleaded to Shinku who had walked towards Kanarias tent while still pointing her gun at Hina.  
"You see in this world there's two kinds of people my friend - those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig." Shinku said to Hina as she threw Kanarias shovel in her direction.  
Reluctantly Hina picked up the shovel and started digging where Kanaria had been digging.  
After about five minutes the digging got too much for Hina and her arms crumbled and the shovel broke in half. She was dead.  
"NO! THIS CAN'T BE!" Shinku yelled as she saw Hina crumble and die!  
"Hina, you slut! You can't do this to me! I'll die!"  
Shinku looked around for Kanarias food, hoping that that would save her, but the crows stole it during the stand-off, after they had picked Juns corpse clean.  
Shinku knew she was doomed. She curled up next to the tree and awaited her inevitable doom.  
There she died the next day, and the rest of the world soon followed as they had not succeeded to save the earth.  
**The end.**

p.s. : What happened to Suiseiseki you ask?

Good question, with a shit answer.

Remember that Nori said that Suiseiseki sabotaged the microwave? Well, she was in the microwave when it happened. So she died. Period. Get over it.


End file.
